Top Ten Exercises to Become a Better Equestrian:

NUMBER 10:

Have someone drive a Volkswagen onto your foot and then slap at it while shouting: "Get off, stupid!! GET OFF!!!!!!!!!"

NUMBER 9:

Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall". Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.

NUMBER 8:

Learn to grab your checkbook and write out a $200 check without even looking down or asking what for.

NUMBER 7:

Jog long distances carrying a halter and carrot pleading with the air to come to you. Don't be surprised if space aliens come before your horse does.

NUMBER 6:

Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. And smile as if you're having fun, please.

NUMBER 5:

Hone your fibbing skills by saying to your reflexion in the mirror : "No, really, I'm glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the class! I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won be second place."

NUMBER 4:

Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralysed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of your frisky horse.

NUMBER 3:

Borrow the US army slogan : "Be All That You Can Be" : bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, bucked, trampled, frozen, ect.

NUMBER 2:

Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself : "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is......"

AND THE NUMBER 1 EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN IS.......... :

Date only those with lots of money. After all, you'll end up marrying someone you date, and your horse will appreciate you marrying someone with money........maybe.

Submitted by VA Intermont's Riding Center and it's apprently happy students, =)

Revised: March 06, 2000.